PART ONE: New Fad Diet
BEFORE YOU READ THIS: it is a joke, do not take me seriously.
I want to introduce all of you to a New Fad Diet designed by the brilliant Tom Nowatzke. Most of you who work out in the morning know Tom to be the truck driving, motor cycle crashing, nice guy that he is. Well I guess Tom is also a diet genius because he designed an awesome fad diet that allowed him to lose more than 10 lbs in 3 days!!!
Tom’s Diet Instructions
1) Be a good husband and make dinner for the family.
2) Dinner prep: raw poultry & a single paper plate.
(IF YOU DO NOT FOLLOW STEP 2, YOU WILL NOT LOSE WEIGHT)
3) Place raw chicken on paper plate.
4) Grill chicken & place on contaminated plate to take back into house.
5) Eat contaminated chicken covered in salmonella bacteria
(YES, HE DID THIS)
6) Throw up and be unable to eat for 3 days.
And the weight magically comes off! Ok, so this is a slight joke on Tom, but this simple mistake did make him sick for three days! And in case you don’t know my humor…DO NOT TRY THIS EVER. I am only kidding! I am not a proponent of using unhealthy tactics to lose weight, even when they are mistakes!
PART TWO: New Product Idea
I think today was just one of those days when a lot of funny stuff came up. One of my clients, Bud Gibson suggested I offer a new product called Saturday night intervention. According to Bud, if you purchase Saturday night intervention, I will text you at around 8pm every Saturday. The texts will say things like:
“Do not eat 2 pieces of pizza”
“Do not drink that Pina Colada”
“Stop Over-eating NOW”
There are all good ideas, by I thought of my own personal favorite: “If you eat one more bite of that you are running for the entire hour of your next training session at a 12% incline”
What do you guys think? If you have anything to add to this awesome list of texts, please share!
PART THREE: Nickname Update
Also wanted to inform you guys that my nickname has been officially changed from a combination of Lady Heather and The Queen of Hearts to Alice from Alice in Wonderland! I’m moving up in the world I guess!